Thomas “Nanny” Frieden has been appointed to head the CDC by Nanny-in-Cheif Obama. Frieden is hailed by the administration as an expert in epidemic prevention and electronic health records. He is also an expert on making us tempestuous children eat our veggies, cut out fat and quit smoking. This may sound like a good thing to the granola munching bicycle riding health activists… but it sounds like a recipe for disaster to yours truly.
Here we have a guy who is on a crusade. A crusade to rid us mere infants of the hazardous choices of life. Worried about caloric intake? Fear not! There will be a calorie listing right next to the menu item at your local restaurant chain. Worried about trans fats? Fear not! Nanny Frieden will ensure that all local restaurants rid their foods of the unhealthy substance. Worried about carcinogens? Fear not! You’ll be bombarded with tobacco taxes, stop smoking commercials, anti-smoking legislation and smoking bans until you submit.
Like a naughty child subjected to an old school English nanny, you’ll be bludgeoned and bullied into doing what’s “right,” whether you like it or not! Nanny Frieden believes in public shaming as well. For if you disobey and find yourself with diabetes… your name and blood sugar levels will regularly be submitted, on-line, to various physicians. Like a report card to your parents.
Nanny Frieden has gleaned a bit from the education system as well. So there is no shock in knowing that there will be community finals testing. Whereby you children will take part in a Health and Nutrition Exam Survey. This will help your parents on Capital Hill decide what further sanctions to impose upon us infantile children… of course, it’s for our own good. Because we are children, under the ever watchful eyes of our politician parents, and far too naive and ignorant to know that fast food is fattening, smoking is bad for our health, exercise is important, and that we should cut fats and eat our veggies.
Let your worries be eased and rest your weary eyes, children. For Nanny Frieden will ensure that nothing bad happens to you. He won’t let the boogie men get you. You won’t ever have to worry about doing something unhealthy… because you won’t ever have to make the choice. Nanny Frieden will do it for you.
If you think this is far fetched or can’t happen… it already did in New York, and soon in a community near you!
“Hush little babies, don’t say a word…”